I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
