his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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