He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize