so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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