Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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