i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
