i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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