I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
