I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
