I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
