so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I touched a dick in church today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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