I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
40s are totally the cure
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
