A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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