why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
