Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
