I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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