I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
