if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
