Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have feelings that need drinking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
