i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
