after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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