She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
