So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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