I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize