Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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