Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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