My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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