I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
