You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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