i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
