I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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