That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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