I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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