he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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