dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
