...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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