I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
