omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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