i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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