Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
