i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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