Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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