His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
