Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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