just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
