GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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