she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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