She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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