I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize