I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
