i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
