Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
