Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
