So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
