Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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