I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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