i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
