I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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