it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
