peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
