Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
