I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
