I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
