We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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