Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
