hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize