Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
FUCK WHALES
Someone signed my nipple.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
God, I missed his penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
