I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
