Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
