im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who wears a wallet chain?!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Enjoy the penises
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
