Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
