on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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