K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
